This past year has been a tough one for me for a multitude of reasons, but body confidence was one of the biggest. In case you didn't know, even the strongest advocates for body acceptance have days (sometimes weeks) of dealing with body hatred and self-esteem crises. My shame this year was my double chin. I don't know when I started noticing it, but suddenly in pictures I found myself wanting to cover my chin/neck with my hands, hide behind other people in the picture, or use the old "hold your phone over your head trick" to minimize the appearance. I was loving the rest of me, I even started wearing sleeveless shirts that showed my arm jiggles and fitted dresses that showed my stomach. I bought red lipstick and started doing my makeup in the pinup style that I adore. Everything was going well, except for the damn double chin. Until I found this picture:
My dear friend Lauren Marie Fleming has started this program called Bawdy Love, and here she was, showing off her gorgeous body in all its glory for the world to see. It gave me hope. It gave me strength. It made me realize that loving your body is a choice that you make every single day. It's a habit you have to form, a skill that must be developed. You have to cultivate your positive relationship with your body, and that starts with ceasing the negative self talk ("ew my double chin looks so gross in in that picture") and start treating your body the way you'd treat anyone else in your life that you love--with compassion and respect. Two of these photos are NSFW. This post contains affiliate links.*Read more
It's time I come out to you, my faithful readers. I smoke pot. I didn't try it until I was in grad school, around age 23, and I smoked intermittently until I moved to California. Suddenly, I had a MMJ card and I could buy, possess, and imbibe it legally.
The first time I walked into a dispensary, I felt like Dorothy landing in Oz. There I stood, awed by the extensive menu of strains, the kind staff members behind the counter, and the plethora of options for imbibing my new medication. I nervously asked what was good, the way I would ask a bartender standing in front of an impressive wall of spirits. The staffer sensed my unease, smiled, and asked, "First time here?"
"First time anywhere," I replied grinning, "you get to pop my cherry."
"We'll be sure to make it a great experience for you," he assured me.
It was an idea born after a weekend of sleep deprivation. In our delirium, Katie Mack and I decided that our discussions were funny and insightful and that they were worthy of recording and publishing. So we did. Many weeks of "we'll publish in June!" "Just kidding, first week of July!" "Actually make that sometime before the end of July!" and on. And on.Read more
I came across this headline on Time's website: "Shailene Woodley on Why She's Not a Feminist." Now admittedly, before this morning, I didn't know anything about Shailene Woodley. But now I know one thing: Shailene Woodley has no fucking clue what feminism is.Read more
Last March, my partner Declan and I opened up our relationship. It was my first experience with ethical non-monogamy and I was both excited and scared. Would either of us get jealous? Would it work? Would we be able to handle it once it went from theoretical non-monogamy to one (or both) of us actually having additional partners?Read more
I know it's been a while since I've had a substantive blog post, and I'm about to remedy that. Between the new job and some developments in my primary relationship, I've been incredibly busy and both experiencing writer's blog and not being inclined to write. Well now you're all going to hear all the details.Read more
I've been hinting for weeks about my upcoming educational guide and it's almost finished! It's called "A Feminist's Guide to Phone Sex" and it goes live in less than a week! I've been working with Queerie Bradshaw and her recently created Frisky Feminist Press. You can download it on March 13th. Here's a teaser excerpt for you!Read more
Have you ever been poked in the vulva? It's not terribly pleasant. I don't want to think "wow, this really hurts" as I'm masturbating. Let me explain how this happened. A few months ago, Lovehoney sent me a Happy Rabbit for review. I was excited to receive this toy because I hadn't owned a rabbit vibe in years. The packaging was lovely - I companies that package their toys in such a way that it feels like unwrapping a present. This toy, unfortunately, was one of those presents that just didn't work for my body.Read more