I have to be honest, I've been feeling a little guilty about calling this a sex blog when I don't talk about having sex that often. So since I had a pretty terrific experience last night, it seems only fair to share the hot, steamy, and hilarious (you'll see) details with you, my faithful readers. Shoutouts to Uberlube, Lucky Bloke, and NatureLabs for this delightful sexual escapade. So if you don't want to know the naughty details of my sex life, don't read this!

2013 was a great year for me career and connection-wise, but not so much sex-wise. My appendix surgery, moving across the country, having an apartment with no furniture for three weeks...it's been tough to find time for sexy time. There were a few notable exceptions, but without the other person's permission, you'll have to wonder about the details ;-) I decided that I want to make 2014 my year of sexual experiences (in addition to career and connection). I'm all about multi-tasking. Seriously though, I decided sex was going to be a priority this year, and last night, I kicked it off to a great start.

Setting the Scene

Anyone who has slept with me knows that one of my favorite seduction techniques is food.  I will give you mouth-gasms with my delectable desserts or leave you satisfied after a savory meal. Last night was no exception. I made spaghetti sauce from scratch about a week ago, and earlier yesterday I made a quick run to the grocery store to pick up red wine and fresh mozzarella balls. I had the pasta cooking when my friend arrived.

He and I met shortly after I moved to LA through a meetup group. We'd hung out a number of times, and even kissed once, but he was romantically entangled and I was dealing with all of the stuff that I mentioned earlier. Recently he became available and we made plans to hang out, with no specific expectations set in advance. Thus, the cooking. I wanted to at least put the evening into that general direction, even if only to set the stage for future hangouts. 

He was thrilled to see that I was cooking because he hadn't eaten. After a quick smoke (I have a philosophy degree, what do you expect?) I served dinner and we sat down to watch Food Network, otherwise known as Live-Action Food Porn. He had never watched any Food Network shows before, so I chose Iron Chef America to start. Its overly-dramatic acting and sporting event-like commentary was sure to keep him entertained. I was right. He looked up at me at one point (with a bit of spaghetti sauce on his chin) and says, "Duuuude, this is like food porn!" Yes. Yes it is. That's why anytime I smoke, I always have food to eat and Food Network on TV. It makes for a lovely experience. 

Once dinner was finished, it was time for dessert (no, that's not a euphemism). I put on Cupcake Wars and handed him a homemade chocolate chip cookie. He was ecstatic. About 2/3 of the way through the second show, he looked at me and said, "So, are we going to play tonight?"

CUE PANTIES DROPPING

Why Consent Is So Freaking Hot

So here's the thing. As a sexual assault survivor, I really like partners who go out of their way to make sure I'm on board with any physical/sexual interaction. In advance. Not like, kissing me and then saying, "that was okay right?" It's a little too late at this point. But to ask me point blank, in pretty clear terms, "are we going to play tonight?" means a few things:

1. I didn't come here with expectations.

2. I'm leaving the decision up to you now that I've expressed interest.

3. I don't know exactly what I want to have happen sexually, so I'm going to use an ambiguous word like "play" in order to give you the flexibility to set a comfortable pace.

Since "playing" had also been on my mind, I smiled and replied, "yes, we're definitely going to play."

He smiled back. "Good. Because I have a really big dick and I'd like to fuck you until you tell me to stop."

AND NOW I'M WET

Admittedly, I was a bit skeptical in the back of my mind, because I've had plenty of guys make lofty promises about their stamina, only to cum two minutes into fucking while offering in the most bewildered voice possible, "I have no idea why I did that! That never happens! It must be because you're so tight/hot/good/insert complimentary adjective!"

Promise made. Promise kept.

As it turns out, he was not exaggerating about his size OR his stamina. A girthy 7.5 inches, I felt my vulva gulp when I saw it. Okay, I told myself. We can do this. This is what we do. 

He started out just running his hands all over my body, finally settling between my legs. I was soaked. He fingered and toyed with my clit until I was just at the brink of explosion, then stopped, grinned, and said, "I think I'm going to fuck you hard now. How does that sound?" Um, yes please?

I pulled out my extensive collection of condoms and found one that would be big enough to fit his girth and length comfortably. (Thanks Lucky Bloke!) As I removed the condom, I took my bottle of lube (Thanks Uberlube!) and put a drop into the condom, and kept a drop in my hand to lubricate the outside of the condom. I rolled it down his length and he remarked how nice the lube felt. Another silicone lube convert. Check.

I wrapped my hand around his cock and stroked up and down to cover it lube, then laid down on the bed. He got on top of me and the first thrust was INTENSE. For my sex toy reviewer friends, he was easily as thick as the Tantus Duke, if not thicker. I was stretched. I was filled. I was in heaven. I started moaning pretty loudly, then remembered that I live in an apartment surrounded by neighbors with children, so I politely put a pillow on top of my face and screamed into that. It's important to be considerate.

He kept going. And going. And going. Around the 20 minute mark, I looked at him and said, "I'm a sex educator. And I'm impressed." He kissed my forehead and rolled off, reading my remark correctly that I needed a break. I offered him water and we took a much-needed breather.

After catching his breath, he told me he'd really like to see my blowjob skills in action. I momentarily cringed, because there are few things that taste worse than a dick that's been inside a latex condom, but I quickly remedied the problem. I told him to hold on and I ran into the bathroom to get a washcloth. Pausing to soak it with warm water (it's the little details that make it awesome) I came in and thoroughly scrubbed the latex taste off his cock. Pausing only to grab my new sampler bottle of NatureLabs Koala Bear Creme Brulee flavored lube (Yum!) I gave it a liberal coating and went to work. Seriously, this lube tasted fantastic. It was warm and you could detect not only the vanilla custard flavors but the caramelized sugar as well! Nice work NatureLabs! Also, it's sugar free, so although you could taste the caramelized sugar, there's no sugar to cause genital unpleasantness! Bonus! 

I went down on him until my jaw hurt (which didn't take very long, remember when I said he was thick?) and decided I need more fucking. I got up and went over to my bedside table to get another condom. This is where things get, well, hilarious.

The Case of the Missing Condom

 I pick up a circular ONE condom and look at him as I say, "I always tell people not to open condoms with their teeth, but I feel comfortable in my skills. I'm a professional after all." I put a notch in it and start to pull the packet open. It won't budge more than a few centimeters. Weird. So I flip it over and notice the pre-notched tab on the bottom. Okay okay, I tried to get fancy and it didn't work. So I'll do it the normal way. As I start to tear where the notch is, I notice lube dripping from the bottom where I'd put the initial tear. "Wow! ONE condoms really lubricate their condoms! That's nice to see!" I say as I try to feel for the edge of the condom. Weird. No condom. I wonder if I got a bad batch. Then I look at the packet. 

PREMIUM LUBRICANT

Oh. Well, yeah, that makes sense. (In fairness, I was doing this by candlelight. Remember, it's all about the details!)

The Grand Finale

Once I had the condom mystery solved, I grabbed a real condom and we went to work. After another 20 minutes of vigorous pounding and a pretty mind-blowing orgasm (mine), he was spent. He didn't cum, but we both agreed that was okay because first of all, orgasm is not the be-all-end-all goal of sexual interaction, and second of all, he'd already masturbated earlier that day. Three times. So yeah, I wasn't bothered that he couldn't get off. I was pretty confident that he'd enjoyed himself. We kissed a bit and he headed home. 

The Aftermath

I woke up sore. Very sore. Sore and...inspired. So here I am, sharing my sexual exploits with all of you. I can't promise to post the dirty details of every sexual encounter of 2014, but I'm going to try my best to keep you apprised of my progress. After all, I'm on a mission to show that people with herpes can have full, amazing sex lives. (In case you're wondering, he and I had the 'herpes talk' early on in our friendship, so he was able to make an informed decision).

I wonder what the rest of the weekend will bring?