I posted a quote in my stories that says “fear of abandonment often means we abandon ourselves” and it resonated deeply.
It made me think.
I try not to use negatives so I didn’t want to say “don’t abandon yourself” but I didn’t know what the actual antonym for abandon was. So I looked it up.
And gosh did that hit me in the feels. I heard myself, over the course of many years, saying over and over “I want to know what it feels like to be claimed. I want to be claimed.” And it turns out what my heart was saying was "I don't want to be abandoned."
Here’s the rub: I can’t control other people. I can’t make them claim me or keep claiming me.
But I can claim myself. I can tell that scared little girl inside me that I’ve got her. That I won’t leave her and I won’t betray her and that I will love and protect her. I can promise all the things I wish someone would promise me.
And then I can do it. I can keep those promises because I'm literally the only one who can. “I am the one thing in life I can control,” to quote one of my favorite musicals.