“Okay everyone, for the next part of the exercise, we’re going to practice eye gazing for two minutes.” There was a collective gasp as the participants tried to envision staring into a complete stranger’s eyes for two minutes. Even as a staff member, I was feeling a little nervous as I had never performed this feat either. “Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and relax your body.” I drew a shaky breath and exhaled slowly, wanting to give myself as much time as possible to prepare. “Now open your eyes and look into your partner’s eyes. Two minutes starting now.” I opened my eyes and looked into the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. For two minutes I felt myself get lost in her eyes, drawing me deeply into the depths of her soul. As I looked into her eyes, I realized that at the same time, I was feeling seen for the first time in my life. No pretense, no quick smiles or misdirection. There was nothing but the two of us in those moments and we connected in a way that I didn’t know was possible. For the rest of the weekend, just being near her was enough to make me feel whole and comfortable. Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity weekend.

Who do you consider to be your family? Imagine them in your mind. If you’re like me, not all of the people are biologically related to you, or to each other. Each one of us comes into the world and is brought into a home. It could be a home with two biological parents, a single parent, adoptive parents, co-parents, or some other arrangement. We have little to no control over the families in which we are raised. Our families of origin could be completely healthy and nurturing or dysfunctional and toxic. Often, there is some combination of the two. Our family of origin can imbibe us with strength and resilience. It can also saddle us with baggage and maladaptive coping skills. These factors will influence how we interact with others as we grow and mature. We cannot control where we came from—the actions of others are beyond our control. What we can control is the family that we create as adults.