Getting Good at Letting Go

Image of birdcage with door open and black silhouette of a bird flying out of it.

This is one of my favorite poems. It is often read at wedding ceremonies. It's from Khalil Gibran On Marriage:

...But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

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Hot Steamy Hotel Sex

Historically, I've had problems with expectations. I get excited about something, create grand sweeping expectations, and inevitably feel frustrated when the reality cannot come close to the fantasy I've envisioned. For the first time in my life, I had an experience that was even better in practice than what I had imagined in my brain. Seriously. We used 11 condoms in 24 hours. That's a personal record. We spent the entire weekend doing nothing but finding the answers to this question:

What would bring you the most pleasure in this moment?

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End of Year Gift Guide

Check out my top five gift ideas for the holidays! Don't forget, once you own a toy, you can fuck it however you want!

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Musings on Abundance vs. Scarcity Mentality

I used to live solidly in scarcity mentality. Romantically, sexually, and professionally. I told myself that being fat, a survivor, herpes+, and openly sexual was enough to preclude me from most people's romantic or sexual interest. 

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Stoner Etiquette and "the Code" - Six Rules

I love stoners. I love stoners the way I love cat people - they just get me. One common thread I've found among stoners is there seems to be a series of unwritten rules, a code of conduct, stoners just kind of understand. The following are my personal rules I've adopted and observed. What are some of yours?

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Hot Steamy Sexy Sex Part II: The Saturday Playdate

In case you missed it, I had a stunningly awesome threesome on Wednesday you can read about here. Before we even got the threesome on the books, B and I had arranged a playdate during his trip to LA. I was lucky enough to fuck him twice in a week! Wooooo! Here are all details on this concupiscent encounter...

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Hot Steamy Sexy Sex Part I - The Threesome

This week was full of firsts for me. A birthday threesome (and my best threesome to date) on Wednesday, followed by four hours of marathon sex on Saturday. Keep a cool beverage handy, you're going to need it.

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New Relationship Energy Exists Beyond Romantic Relationships

Most of the time when New Relationship Energy (NRE) is mentioned, it's in the context of relationships (typically polyamorous relationships). The Poly Glossary on MoreThanTwo.com defines NRE as:

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Naming My Rapist: The Aftermath

I remember the heart pounding moment when I hit publish. It was raw, it was scary, and it was 100% the right decision. The soundness of my decision to name my rapist was reinforced repeatedly over the course of that first week. Each day that week (no exaggeration) I had a new email from someone who disclosed that they had also had an experience with Ben. Some were completed rapes, some were attempted rapes. All described unwanted and unwelcome behavior. It was powerful. It was validating--I suspected that if I named him, after the experience I had with Really Brave Person, that more people would come forward. I never expected so many. In total, there were 9, including myself.

*Trigger warning for references to sexual assault, PTSD, and depression. If you're a survivor, please check out my Survivor Resources post for books, sites, and hotlines*

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Survivor Resources

Many folks have reached out to me over the past week to offer support. I am deeply grateful for that. I have also had several folks reach out and disclose their own experiences of sexual violence (completely unrelated to the situation or person I named in this post). I wanted to compile a list of websites, books, hotlines, etc. that I have found helpful over the years not only as I navigated my own healing path but also as I worked as a victim advocate and rape crisis counselor. I'm also including books for non female-identified survivors, a book for survivors of female perpetrators, and a book that is great for partners and allies. If there are other resources that you've found helpful, please list them in the comments.

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